The Fed Poets Society

I figured after two weeks of rather heavy subject matter (pardon the pun), it was time for something a bit… lighter (argh, it’s a pun minefield!) And so I give you gainer/encourager haikus.

The way I see it, Haikus are like the original Twitter. It’s a form of expression that forces the writer to quit being so overly-verbose, and cut an idea down to a (preferably beautiful) 17-syllable thought. It’s also a wonderful format for humor.

I’ve posted a few of mine here, but I welcome y’all to post your own in the comments section. Be uplifting, cynical, funny, sad, silly—whatever you please (just keep it civil). Typical haikus use a 5-7-5 syllable breakdown, but plenty of people break that rule, so feel free to be creative.


Age ten, in my room,
Watching sumo and padding,
This is normal, right?

The sexy fat man,
His belly’s divine, but he
Orders Diet Coke.

Dear airline coach seats,
You are too small for my butt.
Please eat more. Love, Jed.

Beefyfrat dot com,
Hot guys you have so many,
Why will you not load?

Bellybuilders thread,
Smart discussion is so cool,
Wait. It fell apart.

Eat more food he says,
And so I eat til it hurts,
Then barf on his shoes.

NBC you suck
For making Biggest Loser,
Thanks for 30 Rock.

Overzealous guy,
Please don’t IM me so much,
My belly’s still fine.

Old Bellybuilders,

Updates were like Christmas morn’,
But with more boners.

This guy's profile says:
“Partnered - We’re MONOGAMOUS!”
So why the dick pics?

The first time I saw,
That scene from the Santa Clause,
I knew God loved me.

Place the camera low,
Arch your back and puff out big,
Fake it til you make it.

And (thanks to a recommendation by a friend) I condensed my second blog post into a single haiku, so here we have a 17-syllable version of “When Is a Gainer Not a Gainer?”:

It’s all in your head,
Gain or lose you are still you,
You kinky bastard.